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Sep 5

A reason to celebrate?!

geschrieben von Birgit am 05/09/2018 19:10



Congratualtions!
 
 
 
I finished chemo two years ago.
 
Twenty-four months which I should have spent celebrating and enjoying life. But I haven’t…

 

Why?

 

What’s keeping me off?

 

It took me nearly two years to realize: the fear of secondary cancer!

 

I’ve been strong whilst undergoing chemo as having had all checks, scans etc. no signs of secondary cancer have been found and I told myself "You can do this! It’s worth it!”

 

The operation has been part of the treatment and as there have been a few other operations in the past I wasn’t scared of undergoing another one. It’s been just a tick on my to do list.

 

I’ve tried to return back to work and back to normal as quick as possible. Told myself it’s necessary because of money but now I think it’s been very much back to normal to avoid thinking about my future, my health and my life.

 

Circumstances "allowed” and encouraged ignoring myself without much effort. It’s been a tough time surviving with all problems which I thought I needed to sort out first.

 

At a time I should have looked after myself to recover and gain strength again I’ve allowed other people putting more burdens on my shoulders. Struggled so many times, cried with screams on my lips which have never been released.

 

Strong, brave… how would my friends describe me?

 

Not sure which words I would find. There have been too many moments when I’ve been holding back my tears, taken a deep breath, ignored what my head said... acted against my feelings. Perfectionist pretending everything is ok in order to move forward.

 

Proud? Not always!

 

But at the end I’ve just been fighting against myself! What a waste of energy, isn’t it?

 

At least I know now. Some of the problems are still somewhere in the background but at least not on top of my daily to do list. My health managed to work its way up the ladder. Hurray!

 

Some friends who have suffered from cancer have changed their lives completely. Some have decided to enjoy as many moments as possible. To create memories with their friends and family. For various reasons. Memories which friends they enjoy together and will still be with them if/when the cancer patient isn’t around any more.

 

I struggle to approach life this way although I’m jealous sometimes when I see and read what they manage to do. Fulfil dreams they’ve hoped for at a later stage in life. But as we’ve all learned: it might be too late!

 

And all the sudden (just a few days ago) I got the message between the lines: Don’t wait for later as tomorrow might be your last day on earth. And not just because of cancer or secondary cancer – there is always a risk in the background. So many people die in an accident or because of a heart attack.

 

Share your time with the people who matter to you. The one’s you care about. Who make you feel special…

 

Don’t think it’s about travelling around the world or run the marathon it’s more about live life in the moment.

 

Like just two weeks ago: Having worked all night in the bakery, just on my way back from my first delivery when the sun smiled at me and promised a wonderful day!

 

 

 

The one’s who have followed my post whilst I’ve been undergoing treatment know that there are a few special songs which have been inspiring and helping to find a positive approach through a rough time.

 

And here is the one which is helping at the moment. Take some time and listen to Jason Mraz’s song "Have it all!”

 

It took a while to get the message but it’s inspiring – promised!

 

Have It All (Jason Mraz)

 

May you have auspiciousness and causes of success
May you have the confidence to always do your best
May you take no effort in your being generous
Sharing what you can, nothing more nothing less
May you know the meaning of the word happiness
May you always lead from the beating in your chest
May you be treated like an esteemed guest
May you get to rest, may you catch your breath

And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow

Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Oh! I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all

May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet
May you keep the chaos and the clutter off your desk
May you have unquestionable health and less stress
Having no possessions though immeasurable wealth
May you get a gold star on your next test
May your educated guesses always be correct
And may you win prizes shining like diamonds
May you really own it each moment to the next

And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow

Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Oh, I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all

Oh, I want you to have it all
All you can imagine
All, no matter what your path is
If you believe it then anything can happen
Go, go, go raise your glasses
Go, go, go you can have it all
I toast you

Here's to the hearts that you're gonna break
Here's to the lives that you're gonna change
Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you
I want you to have it
Here's to the good times we're gonna have
You don’t need money, you got a free pass
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

Oh, I want you to have it all
I want you to have it
I want you to have it all

Here's to the good times we're gonna have
Here's to you always making me laugh
Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you
I want you to have it all

 

 
 
 

For my German friends: Songtext Übersetzung

Mögest du Glück und Erfolg haben.
Mögest du das Selbstvertrauen haben, immer dein Bestes zu geben.
Mögest du keine Anstrengung unternehmen, großzügig zu sein.
Teilen was du kannst, nicht mehr und nicht weniger.
Du sollst die Beutung des Wortes Glück kennen.
Lass dich immer von deinem Herzschlag leiten.
Mögest du wie ein geschätzter Gast behandelt werden.
Finde stets Ruhe um frische Luft zu atmen.

Und möge das Beste aus deinem heutigen Tag das schlechteste des morgigen sein.
Und möge all die anderen Straßen unwegsamer sein als die Straße, der du folgst.


Naja, das hier ist für die Herzen, die du brechen wirst.
Dies für Leben, die du ändern wirst.
Dies sind die unendlichen Möglichkeiten, dich zu lieben.
Ich möchte, dass du es hast.
Hier sind die guten Zeiten, die wir haben werden.
Du brauchst kein Geld, du hast eine Freikarte.
Hier ist die Tatsache, dass ich ohne dich traurig sein werde.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.
Oh! Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.
Ich möchte, dass du es hast.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.

Mögest du so faszinierend sein wie ein Schlagarmband.
Mögest du das Chaos und Krimskrams von deinem Schreibtisch fernhalten.
Du sollst unbestrittene Gesundheit und weniger Stress haben.
Habe keinen Besitz und dennoch unermesslicher Reichtum.
Mögest du bei deinem nächsten Test einen goldenen Stern bekommen.
Möge deine Vermutungen immer richtig sein.
Und gewinne Preise die wie Diamanten glänzen.
Mögest du es jeden Moment voll auskosten.

Und möge das Beste aus deinem heutigen Tag das schlechteste des morgigen sein.
Und möge all die anderen Straßen unwegsamer sein als die Straße, der du folgst.

Naja, das hier ist für die Herzen, die du brechen wirst.
Dies für Leben, die du ändern wirst.
Dies sind die unendlichen Möglichkeiten, dich zu lieben.
Ich möchte, dass du es hast.
Hier sind die guten Zeiten, die wir haben werden.
Du brauchst kein Geld, du hast eine Freikarte.
Hier ist die Tatsache, dass ich ohne dich traurig sein werde.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.
Oh! Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.
Ich möchte, dass du es hast.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.

Alles, was du dir vorstellen kannst.
Alles, egal wie dein Weg verläuft.
Wenn du es glaubst, kann alles passieren.
Geh, geh, geh und erhebt die Gläser (*edit* vielleicht auch: "schärf deinen Blick.
Geh, geh, geh, du kannst alles haben.
Ich sag's dir.

Naja, das hier ist für die Herzen, die du brechen wirst.
Dies für Leben, die du ändern wirst.
Dies sind die unendlichen Möglichkeiten, dich zu lieben.
Ich möchte, dass du es hast.
Hier sind die guten Zeiten, die wir haben werden.
Du brauchst kein Geld, du hast eine Freikarte.
Hier ist die Tatsache, dass ich ohne dich traurig sein werde.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.
Oh! Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.
Ich möchte, dass du es hast.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.

Hier sind die guten Zeiten, die wir haben werden.
Du bringst mich immer zum Lachen.
Hier ist die Tatsache, dass ich ohne dich traurig sein werde.
Ich möchte, dass du alles hast.

 

 




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